Myocardial infarctions and the moviegoing American

I sit, on a comfortable couch in the sun room in the Memorial Union on campus, listening in, to a conversation held by two cute girls. "the credits started rolling, and the lights came on, and no one moved, and you could just hear people weaping"... "and throughout the entire thing I could just not stop crying". Having caught only bits of the conversation from across the room, I was startled, not by the fact that girls cry, (especially cute ones) but that they were so openly discussing it. It's become clear that they are talking about, (or rather one girl is telling the other about) her experience going to see "The Passion of The Christ". I am thoroughly intrigued, can a movie really have such a demanding emotional presance? Are the reactions of a blubbary zealot really a reflection of the impact of the movie? or a result of wanton self-aggrandizment? For the moment, the girls seem sincere enough, facing eachother in relaxed poses on a similiar couch to mine.

I read a story that a woman in Kansas had a heart attack and died at the climactic crucifixion scene, I can't remember the last time that happened. Obvious conclusion, good movie? Having yet to see the movie, I have no way to make any judgement. Mike has already seen the movie, so I am waiting for his take on what "went down".

The girls break out their Bibles. I can't remember the last time that happened. Obvious conclusion, I don't own a Bible. The simple act of reading the Bible, seems to be seen as gaudy by most people, even Catholics like myself, why?. They're respectful of the public space, reading in quite, for nothing but their own enlightenment, what could be objectionable about that. I would agree that protestants (/funny that I assume theyre protestants for reading the Bible in a public place) lack the authority and tradition of the church, but at least they seem to honestly try.

The girls inspire me. Why do I seem to seperate school (Ie: my life right now) from my spritual life (ie: my "other" life) I consider it such an accomplishment to be showing improvement at school, how much more rewarding would I find work on things that acctually mattered? Are my two lives necissarily mutually exclusive? Last semester I began to wonder if school was worth all the strife that comes with it. Is it possible that maybe, just maybe, like a strange 3rd order derivitive of the equation of life, working hard, on my spriritual life (everyones calling) through my school life (my vocation) I can find true fulfillment. Perhaps, and yes, it must be, I can already see how unburdoning working hard can be (paridoxical isn't it) and yet I've only begun to tap into this, this Truth. Maybe the girls weren't just reading for themselves.

The girls gather their things, and leave, the room echos from the sounds of passing students, their conversations lost to me in the reverb of the marble floored hallways. If Im going to be successful, Im going to have to study. (but first, its lunchtime :-)

/need a Bible

gg, peace

blogging while you work doot doo doot doot doo doo doot

Have I ever told you how awesome it is to feel like you're in the right place in you're life? I know that this blog has been allot of me harping on the whole school issues thing, but, I cannot overstate the awesomness of the (if even small) sense of accomplishment from the past few weeks of school. Let's hope I can keep it up.

its fat Tuesday, eat up while you still can

The Passion comes out tomorrow, of course you knew that, you can't look whichways with out seeing a headline about it, a new interview or some debate over its content.
It's Ash Wednesday tomorrow and the big event is the movies premier, and oh yeah, the beginning of lent (Mike, we should both give up cursing), I'm sure I'll go see it eventually, but I'm worried all this hype will end up distracting people from the content of the movie, anti-semitism this, violence that, BAH, wait to see it you boobs.

/blah

-stay in school kids, peace

New Music!!!

I just bought Phantom Planet's new cd today, with the extra disc re-release of The Guest, it kicks ass, go buy it or I'll cut off your testicles! And if you don't have testicles, well then, I'll just,... oh fuck it.

On the dangers of Estrogen...

Okay, I am having some serious female logic/logistical issues. I have been hanging out with this girl for the last month or so, every couple of nights or whenever she's free, having good times and all, you know, just hanging out. I had the feeling that she liked me for a while, but now I'm having serious doubts. It's not that she's done anything to make me think otherwise, it's just that she's just about the single most difficult girl to "read". We always end up having great conversations, pretty much about nothing, which she rather enjoys, as do I. (Nothing is cool.) Anyway, so I'm trying to decipher her, and figure out what my chances are, but I'm afraid to just come right out with it because I don't want to freak her out. My hypothesis as of now is that I need to call her up and hang out with her more exclusively (I've pretty much been hanging out with her and a small group of friends, or at least my friend Tim). I figure that would be a pretty safe route, given that it wouldn't really be direct, and she wouldn't be able to completely figure out my point of view of the situation, but it would most definitely get across the point that I want to hang out with her more, which would be pretty safe waters to tread on I think. Anyway, I don't know, I guess I'm just really sick of living in the "in-betweens" and not knowing for sure how she views the situation. Hopefully I can sort this shit out, because it really bugs me. I think about it all the time and at the same time tell myself to be "ice cold" (in the words of Outkast) and not worry about it all the time. I dunno, maybe I'm just a sucker for the tough girls, who knows?

The moral of the story: Girls suck.
Word.

Alcohol Abuse

So yeah, last night I was at the bar with a bunch of my friends, and one of them spills his beer on me. He says the glass was slippery (read: he was drunk). Not only did the glass tip over, and about 3/4 of the beer leak out onto the table, but it leaked right across the table onto me. On top of that, he didn't just spill any old Rolling Rock or Bud Light on me. He spilled a Guinness. A FUCKING GUINNESS!!!! I nearly slapped him just for spilling such a valuable substance, let alone spilling it on me.

By the way, in case you ever go to Steubenville, and stop by this prestigious bar, Jagginaround, get the chicken wings. They kick ass.

Word.

The Reason We Don't Have Flying Cars

I made an important discovery yesterday, but first, the background. As a result of a previous post about goal setting, last week I decided I wanted to graduate from college. It sounds stupid, but it's been really empowering and has motivated me to attend classes, read books, and generally start to work, hard, to achieve my goal. A week into employing my new-found strategem, I was struck dumb by the realization that at 21, I'm just begining to pickup on fundemental principles of life that no-one bothered to explain to me.

Is this ineptness a product of unnatentive parents? A school system myred in political-correctness? A pop-culture elitist society that doesn't get the fact that most people were outraged by half-time boobies? Am I just a dumbass?

Well, fact is, it's probebly a function of all of these factors combined, and although I love my parents, feel like they did their best, I don't think they, or anyone else who was involved in my upbringing took 16 seconds to demonstrate what hard work was, and why it was good.

This is rediculous, it's 2004 for Gods sake, I'm 21, and last week I began to understand the importance of hard work! No wonder we don't have cures for cancer, AIDs, hangovers, no wonder American culture is a vat of the worst kind of trivial BS, when a person can live through a quarter of their life, and not have a grasp of such basic life skills, how can we expect them to feed themselves let alone be productive and make any kind of contribution.

/blame the communists

Sigh, stay in school kids, peace.

My Evening

So I woke up about 4:15 this afternoon, after sleeping my Saturday away, wishing I could talk and didn't have bronchitis right now. I get up and shit around a little bit, wasting some more time doing pretty much nothing, and then finally take a shower at about 7:30. I go and get Chinese food from down the hall, because our dorm hall council is providing Chinese food and a movie tonight, so I get dinner for free. I come back to my room and watch The Animatrix. I proceeded to be completely blown away by the stories and the animation for an hour and a half. Then I feel like driving (it helps me think and stuff), so I go out driving around Steubenville and the surrounding territories. My musical choice in the car is always a big priority, so since I had just watched The Animatrix, I felt like listening to loud obnoxious music, you know how it is, you watch all those agents and shit and you just feel all powerful and cool and stuff. So anyway, I'm listening to a band called Kill Hannah, their debut cd which I never really gave a good listen to. I came to the conclusion very quickly that they kick ass and are really good, and should've been on the Matrix soundtrack or something. I vow to myself privately to give their music a spot on some cool movie project that I work on in the future that fits with the music. Now I'm getting really hungry after all that driving, so I go to Taco Smell and pick up a Club Chalupa (quality shit) and a Burrito Supreme. I have to practically yell at the mechanical box to give them my order (since my voice has gone to shit). While I'm waiting for the food, I pop on the other cd I brought, Love by The Juliana Theory, and proceed to realize how great that cd is too and how long it's been since I listened to it. Then I drive back to campus and eat my food while watching the "Behind the Scenes" stuff on the Animatrix DVD. A couple of my friends had gone out earlier, so I'm waiting for them to get back and I start playing Splinter Cell on their XBox. They have these Behind the Scenes clips for the game, so I start watching those. There's this one on there where they have Sam Fisher (the protagonist of the game) sitting in a chair in the game development office being interviewed while like everyone and his mother walks by behind him. It was like insane madly overdone. I swear some people walked by twice. And they all would turn and look and laugh and ruin the whole "walk-by" effect. It was really weirding me out. Anyway, so that's my night. And now it's 5 a.m. here and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Word. Over and out.

...what?

"you just said orgy somthing..."
-Aaron P. Reiss

For a relaxing time, make it Zentauri time.

Waiting for my Physics test to start.

Cliffton & Nathan

I thought Id add some pics, here you go.

If you know me, you know I'm in school, and that I haven't been doing well. It's 3am, and I'm googling success, that kind of time management, may have something to do with wtf is wrong with me but... Anyway, I know the reason I'm not doing well, is ultimately because I lack motivation (aka, don't give a rats ass about ANYTHING (have you seen me lately, damn I need a haircut and a shave)), like a 30 y/o in a gorilla costume at the local fun-town, I fail to understand how I got where I am, and why I should give a shit about some kid, crying for his mommy, whom he last saw around the fun slide of doom.

I read that the key to motivation is setting short and long term goals, which will act as reminders of what you'll get back from this mind blending, drink-driving, hellish nightmare,,,... (you get the idea). So I am now going to attempt to set forth my "Life Goals", or as I like to call them, my "Stuff I Wanna Do!1!". hmmmmmm, I wanna, do,,, umm, yeah.

See, that's the problem, I want to be hella-successful, (cause I'm hopelessly vain), but I really don't know what I want to do, okay, so, I know that if I am going to "work" for the rest of my life, I want to be an engineer, cause it's cool, and interests me, BUT, what if I'm in the wrong line of "work" entirely.

Is this a decision I can make? That doesn't really seem wise. Like the Red Vs. Blue point counter point PSA on tattoos proves mathematically, I am in no way responsible enough to make that decision. "take your current age, now subtract ten years from it. Were you smart back then? Of course you weren't. You were a God damn idiot. Fact of the matter is you're just as big an idiot today, it's just going to take you ten more years to realize it. Now think if you had drawn a picture on your body ten years ago, would you be happy with it today? Chances are, you wouldn't be."

So there it is. In order to be successful, I have to make a decision I am not prepared to make, so that I can set, and concentrate on goals. That sucks, but if I don't commit to one thing or another, I'll end up that 30 something guy who lives with his parents and collects comic books. (don't wanna be that guy)

To recap, I want to be successful, I don't want to live with my parents and I want to die before Im 30 ... Something.

Argh, I haven't resolved anything.

"I'm so cool, you don't even know I'm cool"
-Senor Cardgage

posting from my Ipaq. it's great I Can't think right now So, I'll post later

peace

Holy SHIT!, I finallly got this thing working, w00t

peace to all my peoples