Money, it’s a crime.

"I can't wait to get married, start buying shit"

I hate money, I hate chicks who are so dead between the ears that financial security is even mis-diagnosable for happiness, and yet it seems I'm surrounded by them. America the beautiful.

How do people stand it? You put in x many years of your life, just to get into the game (college) and you only earn a chance to be part of a game that you could still just as easily lose. It's a giant orgy of money. Everyone reciprocates and takes their little chunk of change. I think I'm going to start pushing dope or something, it's all about how much money you can make in as short a time possible right? Robbing banks, yeah, that's the ticket.

"How does it feel, to be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone." Bob Dylan - Like a Rolling Stone

So if it's not about money, what is it about. Principles, right? Working hard, putting in an honest day and being monetarily compensated for doing something you like to do. Life is good. Well, how come I don't know anyone who lives a happy life. With very few exceptions, everyone I know who is financially successful, doesn't seem to be having anything resembling a happy/fulfilling life. Is it just or does it seem like everyone over 30 is miserable.

"Have you ever seen an idealist with grey hairs on his head" Pedro the Lion - Penetration

So I was talking to Mike and Aaron about this. Do you have to give up your ideals in order to be successful? That seems to be the case as most financially successful people I know are spiteful assholes. Is the pope an idealist? Are military men and women idealists? Are rock stars idealists? Well, ideally.

"The drunk kids, the catholics
They’re all about the same
They’re waiting for something
Hoping to be saved" Bright Eyes - Drunk Kid Catholic

Happiness is not a function of how much money you make, but happiness is all anybody wants right? Well, find somthing you like to do, and then try to get compensated for it kid. Cause even if you end up selling out, at least you'll be happy.

That's selling my beliefs pretty short though. (funny, a capitalistic idiom) Being a Catholic, it's completely true, that I'm waiting for somthing, hoping to be saved. Is it wrong to wish the world would come to an end? or should every self respecting Christian be waiting for the return of Christ? What an aweful position, living every day like its your last. Thats the Pxian ideal right? so why do I end up doing nothing, if the world ends tommorow, why do anything today. no question mark.

God I need a reason to be hopeful. (so much irony in that statement, it makes me sick.)

Ever get rejected, and you realize that the person wasn't as great as you thought they were. We lie to ourselves to make our lives livable. Sometimes I think God is like that. In some ways it seems like a call to deepen my faith, I'm not a kid anymore, just one more thing to be dissolusioned about and then find out the truth. But, damn, it's a bad day when you get that call.

rant, rant, ranty rant rant, bitch piss moan. wtf? omg! if you read this far, Im sorry.

"There's one thing I wanna know:
What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding? - Elvis Costello"

peace

Let Me Sing a Song for You

Mike was trying to explain to me that the beginning of The Drinking Song sounds suspiciously like RA's Answering Bell, insisting I break out the tab from AltCountryTab.com (great resource) and see for myself. So, I dutifully did so and explained to Mike that it was in fact differnent (although barely). But its cool, its a completely different song.

I saw on the main page that someone posted a tab to RA's This is It off of Rock & Roll. So I recorded my own version of it, complete with "custom-percussion" and "horrible-cello-playing". But it came out sounding quite cool if I do say so.

Check it out.

Greg Carl - This is It (Ryan Adams).MP3

peace

The Coldest Winter of Our Time

it was acctually rather hot today, Apu gave me a ride to work, again.

it's weird being without a car. not that I really need one right now, but since I was 15 I drove one to two hours a day between school and work, and to just stop driving, is strange.


gridlock (fixed link) is not-so-ironicly addicting.

peace

the drinking song

Me and mike were trying to collaborate, more like wreck trains, but thats a matter of opinion.

Somehow we decided, in accordance with the politics of alt-country church, we'd write a song about drinking, and it ended up taking a direction that I rather liked, so I'm going to attempt to write about theme the song follows, and take what we wrote down as we were playing on the back porch at mikes house, and use those things to finish writing the song, and maybe record a version.

The song as we have it now is:

[00:26] MikeyItaliani: ok, hang on, got them right here
[00:26] MikeyItaliani: skys full of blue,
[00:26] MikeyItaliani: drown all of my thoughts
[00:26] MikeyItaliani: clouds float here too
[00:26] MikeyItaliani: can't measure the cost
[00:27] MikeyItaliani: of being alone
[00:27] MikeyItaliani: out here in the desert
[00:27] MikeyItaliani: of windswept grasslands
[00:27] MikeyItaliani: and beautiful weather
[00:27] MikeyItaliani: then, the refrain type part:
[00:28] MikeyItaliani: get the bottle of jack
[00:28] MikeyItaliani: and the flask full of clear
[00:28] MikeyItaliani: we'll forget the day
[00:28] MikeyItaliani: we ever moved here

so its about being out in the country, (where I spent the latter of my formative years), and just being alone emotionally and being in the middle of what God created and things are so simple and bleak and wonderful. The sky eats you. The rolling clouds envelope you. Your mind can get stuck in them and float away. (this is not drug-influenced speech I swear). It's so goddamn depressing because its so sweet and perfect.

So the song is about just being out there, and you feel like your just gonna start floating away. Like you forget that the world is not Heaven, you forget about the barriers between this world and the next. And just, what a contrast that is to everyday life.

Maybe it's not even such a physical place as an emotional one. I look back on my time living in nowhere Nebraska, and it just seems to be a blank of apathy. I was so pacified by the things I payed attention to, and so good at ignoring school and my family that I just remeber sort of being in my own world. In a cloud of my own mind and just floating there.

This is where much antipathy towards my parents come from. I look back at this and wish my parents would have had the forsight or backbone to push me to deal with my problems, but they were too lazy and dissefected themselves to be capable, let alone notice in the first place.

"The more you have to tell them to do their chores
The more you run the risk of being ignored"
- Pedro the Lion - Control - Progress

Then theres the irony of a drinking song. I hated all the kids who were drinkers in highschool. And I never hung out with the people who go to the bars now that Im of age. It just never made sense to me, then.

The idea of depression as being the logical progression of quesioning existance, and longing for God, is a theme that interests me, and I think I can employ that theme in the song. Drinking is just an action the represents depression, or being depressed. So being out in the country, makes me question the necessity of this world, and why we cant just be with God now, makes me depressed, makes me "drink", makes me want to give up...

Skys full of Blue,
drown all of my thoughts,
clouds float here too,
cant measure the cost,
of being alone,
out here on the desert,
of midwest grassland,
and beutiful weather,

get the bottle of jack,
and a flask full of clear,
we'll forget the day,
that we ever moved here,

ive been so alone,
all these years despite you,
and hell is alone,
I should be beside you,
the trees hang their heads,
but grav-it-y wont work,
to keep me down,
once I've had a few,

get the bottle of jack,
and the flask full of clear,
we'll forget the day,
that we ever moved here,
sit out by the barn,
warm in the glow,
of eternal youth,
that flows from the bottles,
of vodka and vermouth,

like the first miracle,
we all think its wonderful,
to thank God for alchahol,
get the bottle of jack,
and the flask full of clear,
we'll forget the day,
that we ever moved here,

buy it for the children,
buy it for the children,
buy it for the children,
or else theyl be hateful,
we only wanted love,

hmm, I dont know what I think of that, I like some of the things in it. Mike wanted to do an upbeat version, and we were having allot of fun with it as an uptempo bluegrassy song, but untill I getsome feedback from him, Ill do a slow version, and wait for him to record the next evolution of it, The Drinking Song.

The Execution of All Things

I went home for a memorial this past weekend.

It wasn't a funeral, as great grandma nanie (who's proper name I honestly don't even know) didn't want one.
She was very old, it was a happy event. We had a mass, my parents sang. St.James is a new church, and its massive. The reverb from the high cealings gave their voices a gracefulness that they dont naturally exude. Nanie was well remembered.

Mike told me to listen to Rilo Kiley's old album, The Execution of All Things, I seem to overdose on good things cause Ive listened to this album a dozen times in the past 24 hrs. I can't wait to hear their next album, More Adventurous, there is good music out there, I thought this day would never come. For example, Dan Greene was telling me that after listening to a song I posted earlier, that I should check out Pedro the Lion. So far I've listened to their album Control (thanks mike), it's double plus good.


Since I was home, I asked my dad if he had any old reel to reel tapes I could try to play on the player that I have. He dug around in some boxes that were in the basement of the old house and pulled out six or seven reels. None of them were professional recordings, just allot of random things that Fr.Hitch or my dad had recorded. It was a trip. One of the tapes is a recording of Gretna Highschools production of Bye Bye Birdie, circa 1969, starring non other than Bob Carl, my dad. I'll post a sample when I get it all captured, its pretty funny.

Another tape is of a mass in 1969, celebrated by Fr.Hitch. The choir is amazing.

It was weird to hear fathers voice again. He died in 1994 (I believe). I have allot of memories of him. Being our neighbor during my entire childhood, (he never moved parishes cause he was good friends with the bishop), I have allot of memories of him being around. Im sure he baptized me (dont remember of course), he heard my first confession, and gave me my first communion. He used to come over for football games, as he was a big fan of the huskers and he and my dad and grandpa would have a good time watching the college games.

I often served at mass, assisting Fr.Hitch. He didn't accept mistakes, and had no problem telling you, in a tone that left no question about his mood. Father had a voice like Charlie Sheen, both being Irish, there must be somthing about that, they have powerful tone. He was considered by most to be mean. I have a memory of serving at a funeral, after mass we had to ride to the cemetary, and I ended up in the front seat of the hurst, with the undertaker on one side, and Fr.Hitch on the other. Being a rather shy kid, he sensed my nervousness and cracked wise about the sullen look on my face. "Hah, got a seat between the devil and the deep blue sea. but which one is which". Most people didn't like him, but I say he was the last of generation with principle. And maybe he was a jerk somtimes along the way, but at least he was a principled jerk.

After father died, his things were moved out of the rectory, and were stored in our garage for some time. His nephew came and claimed a bunch of pieces of crystal that father owned, but left everything else. It's interesting how ones belongings are a reflection of who they are, despite popular opinion. Fr.Hitch loved music. He had a great collection and an impressive system on which to listen to them. He smoked cigars, he wasn't averse to drinking, I remember a bottle of congac in a glass doored shelf in his study. He gave up smoking in one day, when his doctor told him to. I never saw him drunk, I doubt he ever got there. He was the kind of guy who appreciated life and his place in it.

I was thinking about these things and listening to Rilo Kiley, the song A Better Son or Daughter. I made a quick song. Life is killing me.

Rilo Kiley --- Check this out!

I was just scouring the web in search of some good fresh new music, not that I'm tired of what I've been listening to (i.e., Jesse Malin, Paul Westerberg, and the almighty My Morning Jacket), but I just wanted something fresh and new. So I listened to NPR's All Songs Considered Summer Show. Quite the eclectic selection on there, including a new Jesse Malin song, but the band that stuck out most profoundly to me during the show was the first band they played. The band is called Rilo Kiley, and evidently they recorded their last album in Omaha, but recently started their own label with EMI. I hate to lump an artist into a blender and say, "This is what they sound like," but I'm gonna do it anyway, just so you can get an idea of the sound. Take Bright Eyes, Death Cab for Cutie, and Modest Mouse, and throw in a female singer who has a great voice, and you would come up with something similar to Rilo Kiley. Their new album is supposed to be released this summer. The album I heard, entitled, "The Execution of All Things" is amazing. That's all I have to say. On my first listen, by the third song, which shares its name with the album title, I was completely into this band. That song itself was actually about if God (well, maybe not God, didn't catch it for sure) were to destroy everything, even little simple things, what life would be like. It was a really great song, very powerful and thought-provoking. So definitely check out this band, and don't stop the rocking!

Peace, and good music always,

Modest Mike

Aarons Blues

Aaron was over, good times.

Aaron bought a $5 harmonica for fun. We jammed.

Check it out.


peace

Donnie Darko, or: why people commit suicide

I recently watched Donnie Darko. And immediately watched it again.

"and did you stop and think that maybe infants need darkness, that maybe darkness is a part of their natural development"
-Noah Wyle as Prof. Kenneth Monnitoff. Donnie Darko (2001)


What if our emotions are the receptions of our souls ears, an antenna for God's messages. God talks to us every day, and we try to medicate ourselves until our souls can't hear. It occurs to me that people start to get depressed at a time in their lives when they start to think independently, and as puberty sets in, ones questions deafen him. Questions of ones external features, of ones social status, ones spirituality, of ones God. One can sense when he is looking away from God, feeling cold and alone, one questions his life, and his death. If one questions God, considers His existence, his own life is called into question. If one dies, and no One is there, death is meaningless, life is meaningless, and so one runs in circles until he finds The Truth.

A cigarette, a glass of brandy, a sad old song, these things remind him, of questions, no answers there, only more questions, and the actions themselves have their own repercussions, but all these things are healthy in the end. ALL QUESTIONS HAVE ANSWERS. please don't stop asking.

A peculiar thing happened today. I was saddened that an attempt to phone Aaron was met by his voicemail, only to find out that it was because, at the exact moment I tried to call Aaron, Aaron, of no previous plan, or convenience of schedules, was attempting to call me.

Sunday I went to bed instead of reading. I was going to continue St.Augustines "confessions". As I had done the several previous nights, I turned off the light and went to my chair, but when I flipped the switch on the base of my reading lamp, nothing happened. Upset, I checked the outlet, the lamp was plugged in. I changed the bulb, fliped the switch, nothing happened. I went to bed.

The next day I turned on the lamp, with one flick of the switch. No problems. No explinations.
Just interesting correlations.

There are no such things as coincidences, queer correlations of events though many, are not all matters of chance, larger ones are harder to spot, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't appreciate the ones that happen every day.


I've watched it three times now.

Directors cut of Donnie Darko is coming to theaters (supposedly in July). Words fail me.

Holy Fajizzle, My Gajizzles!!

Damn, I don't even think I have recovered fully to relay my side of the events of last evening. I will do so in a later post. Until then, Buy Jesse Malin's CDs here, and preview his new album, coming out June 29th in the US, here.

Peace.

Mike

Post Apocolypse

We just got back, Im tired...

Yeah, the show was awesome, please check out Jesse Malin's albums, as I feel they are two of a very few albums which are presentitive of the kind of worthwhile art that actually exsists in nooks and crannys of the music world.

I decided he wasnt writing anything about me being an ass on the cd, his 2004 just really looks like 2 asshole 04, (you'd have to see it, trust me)

ah... to go back to normal life after expieriencing the power that is rock, t'will be a difficult day tommorow.

peace

the POLICE!

Post Rock Giddyness

Waiting For the Rocking to Happen

Punk Rock Weekend

Jesse Malin, former member of punk band D GENERATION, cohert of Ryan Adams, (part of The Finger), a manhattan raised rocker whos been playing in bands since he was twelve, who has opened for Kiss, Bruce Springsteen, and played the Glastonberry Festival in the UK, is in, of all places, Iowa City, IA tonight.

So me and mike, being fans of his debute album, "The Fine Art of Self Destruction", and of his forthcoming album "The Heat", couldnt pass up seeing him for a mere $7 at a bar in Iowa City.

I'll be audio posting as the night progresses. Tune in.

Audioblog = cool technology

Recording - Soothing Pastime or Personal Hell?

Last nigh... yesterda.. I think it was yesterday, no, it was two days ago... (my timelines are hosed, staying up all night and sleeping all day), I re-recorded a song I've been working on the past couple nights. Over-all I'm now pretty happy with it, but it took me a long time to get there, and I think I learned some things about recording/myself.

No matter how many times you try, it'l never be "perfect". What is perfect? Nothing is perfect this side o' the grave. You'll capture the best perfomances when your not trying. Don't be afraid to retry things, but don't be anal, it just makes you nervous/pretensious. There are guitar tracks on this version I gave up on, cause I couldnt get exactly what I wanted. After leaving those tracks in for a few listens, I realized that I like hearing some of the mistakes, and some of the nuance of the "imperfect" tracks. So theres a balance in there somewhere between improvosation and distracting mistakes, look for that. The vocal track on this is first take (for most of the song) the initial slow part of the song I had already figured out, it needs re-recorded because you can tell I was lost a couple times, but overall, I like the sound which brings me to.

Always go with your gut. After initially being excited about this song, toward the end of the "recording session", it seemed really empty in some spots, and although I thought it could use a nice jamming aucoustic guitar through the second half of the song, I almost didn't ad it cause I thought it wouldn't sound good or it would dirty up the work I had already done. That guitar track is now my favorite part of the song. Songwriting, for me, is an outlet. A way to express an emotion or thought, so your intuition about how the song feels, and what sounds help convey that, should be a strong guiding force.

Figure the song out, and THEN worry about the recording/production. This song took me a week to figure out cause as I was going along, I kept trying different production things, trying different ways to record the guitar tracks, differnt ways to manipulate the tracks once recorded to change the stereo presance and tone. I love dicking around recording stuff, eventually I'll understand how to get what sound I want when I want it, but untill then, I need to write a song, and THEN record it.

Because of the process, I violated one of my own rules! I'm singing pretty much through the whole song, I dont let the music breath and speak for itself, so I think Im limiting the impact the song has (not to mention the playtime). The first notes should linger and make you wanna die, and the beat at the end should get your fists pumping in the air, I spend too much time singing to let the rocking happen. But I think since I now know how the song goes, I will be able to (on this and hopefully many future songs) rock out, in entirity.

Oh, and it seems I mentioned this song wasnt, "I hate my parents" angst BS, but yeah, it pretty much is. I don't know what song I was thinking of...

anywho HERE is the song, please give me any-all feedback by emailing me gregcarl@gmail.com or by posting a comment at the bottom of this post.

peace

Wep Keys Are Evil

Its currently 2:45 am, and I am on, what has been to this point, a three hour phone call, with Mike, trying to setup his sisters new laptop. The wireless networking isn't behaving. SIGH
Not that it takes 3 hours to try everything possible from a networking standpoint.

(N00bs are evil)

"okay, then would you bet LIVE children and LIVE grandmas?"
-MichaelK.

tempo change

is the rockingist tool in songwriting. working on this song today, and, it's sort of like that point in a suspense thriller where, just after you're emotionally connected to the character, bam, hes getting into shennanigans and the action is rocking aka/suspense building like a runaway train to nowhere (actual title of an episode of "suspense" my favorite old time radio drama).

and the best part is, this song isn't total mopey "I hate my parents" angst BS. speaking of tempo changes. At my age you would think I'd be over that, but unfortunately, I never did when I was a kid (hate my parents) so I guess Im just getting that out of my system finally, and Im glad I did, cause it's letting me move on with my life. childhood issues, as cliche as it may sound, seem to have led me into screwing myself quite royaly.(I'll elaborate some other time)

Anywho, I'll post the song as soon as I have a working version. (although now I want to get my guitars re-strung so I can get a sparkly fresh sound, and I cant afford new strings right now so it may be awhile)...

Im really tired.

Memorial of a Dream

This past memorial day weekend, I took a little roadtrip over to Omaha, visited with Mike and Maria for Maria's graduation party. Good food, good times.

Documentation:


In memoriam. My hopes and dreams.
-RIP (please)

Marias Song

Here are the lyrics to Maria's Song. This is the first draft, as I wrote it down while I was making it up. I don't have a scanner, so I had to just take a picture of it, click for big version.

/well, I thought it was pretty cool, I mean, Id give that guy a high five

TELEFUNKEN

What we have here is a like new 1950-60's Telefunken 204u reel to reel tape player, not only is it a Telefunken (known for the Telefunken U47 Mic)It's in amazing condition, (just some dust really). It seems to work fine, I cleaned out some dust and oiled it, now I just need some tapes. Luckily, they're cheap on ebay!

I couldn't find any info for this tape player online, telefunken as a company changed hands a few times so I guess it has a bit of a mixed up past.

I understand it's potentially quite valuable, but I couldn't sell it. It came into my dad's possession when a family friend passed away. I'd rather keep it.

Once I get some tape I'll be recording on it to see what its like, and Ill post it. Wish me luck.

Faldreall and Fiddle Dee Dee

and other gay things to say, such as, "here is a morrissey song" and "recorded by me". I was messing around the other day and recorded a quick version of "The More you Ignore Me" by Morrissey, (whom I think is gay, and not cool but of whom Mike tells me all these great things) One take for guitar, one take for vocals, and a couple takes to get the piano the way I wanted it, Im still expierimenting with sounds, trying to come up with a blend that I like, give me some feedback.

/sigh, I like this song though.